The New Year is here at last! We’ve dusted off our trusty celebrity crystal ball and we’re ready to make our fearless predictions about Hollywood and its stars in 2011.
New “American Idol” judges Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez will show the public how enormously watchable they can be when talking as themselves, and will give the show an injection of fresh life. Each has given us memorable interviews through the years. Unlike Ellen DeGeneres (sorry, Ellen), they know their stuff musically. And early indications are that Tyler is in top witty and wise form on the “AI” panel.
The success of AMC’s “The Walking Dead” will make zombies as fashionable as vampires. Just wait for Halloween, when that embalmed and hungry look will be everywhere.
Speaking of which, Hugh Hefner, 84, and his 24-year-old fiancée, Playboy model Crystal Harris, will announce that a new little bunny is on the way thanks to the wonders of modern science. You don’t want to know.
And: Sylvester Stallone will attempt to repeat the success of “The Expendables” (of course) with a sequel starring all the overage action stars he can round up, “The Dependsables” — er, make that “Dependables.”
Donald Trump will get rid of his rickety comb-over at long last and begin wearing Bret Michaels-style bandannas that match his neckties — a new badass business look.
“Dancing With the Stars,” the great salvager of faded and ruined careers, where personalities can trade shame for fame, will serve as a springboard back into public acceptance for a star whose last few years have been fraught with trauma, drama and savage headlines — Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Lindsay Lohan, meanwhile, will star on “Celebrity Rehab.” Obviously, Dr. Drew Pinsky has been dying to treat the wayward actress, because with her every arrest, probation violation and embarrassing paparazzi shot, he’s front and center with comments to the press about her.
Maria Shriver will go into politics herself at last. Maybe foreign-born Arnold can’t run for President, but his wife is a Kennedy.
Many celebrities are serious amateur chefs — Daniel Craig, Matthew Modine, Dominic Monaghan, Lou Diamond Phillips, Kellie Martin, Michael Pare, Josh Brolin, Tobey Maguire, James Spader and Chris Walken, to name a few — so it’s only a matter of time before “Iron Chef: Celebrity Edition” comes to pass.
Many celebrities are unfaithful, so it’s only a matter of time before “Cheaters: Celebrity Edition” arrives. This year alone the show could have included an exciting lineup of famous cheats, recheats and near cheats: Jesse James, David Arquette, Tony Parker, Ashton Kutcher and Brett Favre, to name a few.
With the success of “Sarah Palin’s Alaska,” the caribou hunter and former governor will realize that she’s having such fun as a reality TV star, that’s really where her future belongs, not in politics. Oh, wait. We take it back. This is predictions, not Bill Maher’s wish list.
2011 will continue Cher’s latest career surge, as Andy Fickman brings the Cher Broadway musical to stage. As the prolific producer-writer-director observed, “She’s a fairly phenomenal character, Cher – as a human being I think she’s one of the great icons of all time, a force to be reckoned with. The phenomenal way she looked coming out on stage at the MTV Music Video Awards, well, it’s one for the books.”
Annette Bening will win an Oscar.
Taylor Swift will win multiple Grammys.
Lady Gaga will shock the public by __________________ (fill in blank), while Madonna and Courtney Love watch jealously from the sidelines.
Miley Cyrus will shock the public by ________________ (fill in blank), while new Disney Channel darlings such as Bella Thorne and Zendaya take her place as tween faves.
“The Hobbit” will be the most talked-about movie of the year.
The new FFBF Awards – Famous For Being Famous – will be inaugurated, hosted by Paris Hilton, with the competition fierce in year one between the Kardashian sisters and Kate Gosselin.
George Clooney will be named a 2012 Presidential Medal of Freedom recipient for his philanthropy.
And here’s to a happy, better New Year for one and all.