Beck/Smith Hollywood

Britney Spears and Jason Alexander

           With the celebrity-watching world sputtering and tweeting over the abrupt ending of Kim Kardashian’s 72-day marital union with Kris Humphries, at least the pair can take heart in knowing they’re not alone when it comes to enduring a brief, humiliating celebrity marriage. 

            Charlie Sheen’s wedding to model Donna Peele in 1996 came as a surprise to many — with him having testified just a few weeks earlier to having spent $53,000 on trysts with Heidi Fleiss’ call girls. Cynics groused that the marriage was all about Sheen trying to clean up his image. He insisted that wasn’t true, but either way, six months later it was over, and he went on to…Well, we all know what he went on to.

            In 2008, Pamela Anderson requested that her Sept. 29-Dec. 13, 2007 marriage to third husband Salomon be annulled in court, citing fraud.  In 2006, she was married to Kid Rock from July 29 to her Nov. 27 divorce filing.  

            Of course there was Britney Spears, with her Jan. 3, 2004, 5:30 a.m. “joke” wedding inLas Vegasto childhood chum Jason Allen Alexander. She reportedly arranged to have it annulled within hours.  By Jan. 4, Alexander was back home inLouisiana, with his grandfather telling reporters he’d “been through a lot” and didn’t have much to say.”

            Then there’s Drew Barrymore. In 1994, she suddenly and surprisingly wedL.A.bar owner Jeremy Thomas. That marriage lasted less than two months.

            And who could forget this one? On Nov. 14, 1998, former “Baywatch” actress Carmen Electra wed rainbow-haired, cross-dressing then-Chicago Bulls basketball star Dennis Rodman at the Chapel of the Flowers in Vegas. The bride wore a black Mark Wong Nark shirt and capris, and black high-heel platform shoes, and the groom wore a t-shirt, jeans and a baseball cap. After the ceremony, they went to breakfast at the Hard Rock Hotel with friends, and later, Carmen headed back toL.A.to shoot her “HyperionBay” series.

            Two days after the event, Rodman’s agent issued a statement claiming the marriage was “not legal” and that his client had been too intoxicated to know what he was doing. On Nov. 23, Rodman filed for an annulment citing “fraud” and an “unsound mind.”

            Michelle Phillips and the late Dennis Hopper were show business royalty – he, the hot star and director of “Easy Rider” glory, and she the lovely Mamas and the Papas singer — when they married in a surprise Halloween quickie wedding in 1970. But the marriage lasted a mere eight days, with Hopper publicly confessing he was in a fog of drugs and alcohol much of the time. Both survived the embarrassing fiasco well, however, each racking up career and personal successes in following years.

            Producer/former studio chieftain/Hollywood legend Robert Evans hastily wed 32 years younger actress Catherine Oxenberg in 1998 — and the marriage was annulled in nine days.  He explained to Variety, “I forgot it had only been six weeks since I had been hit with a stroke.”

            In 2000, Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton surprised the public (as well as Billy Bob’s fiancé, Laura Dern) with an impulsive wedding on theLas Vegasstrip. It lasted a comparatively long time — into 2002 — but there was plenty of embarrassment along the way. They shared intimate oddities about their relationship and gave lots’a public displays of affection, attesting to their wild passion. He said he liked to wear her lingerie under his clothes. They had his ‘n’ hers tattoos and wore vials of each other’s blood around their necks.

            Come to think of it, we were the ones who were embarrassed — not them. 

            From the looks of it, Kim Kardashian isn’t exactly red-faced either, heading off to Australia to promote her clothing line while gossips speculate on her feelings — or lack of feelings — for Humphries and the chances she might get back together with former beau, Reggie Bush.  At least for awhile.

Jon Voight

Jon Voight’s shopping living quarters in the Dallas area.  He’ll be residing there while shooting is underway on Fox’s forthcoming “Lone Star” series, in which the Oscar-winning actor plays the patriarch of a powerful Texas oil family.

“I don’t really consider myself a Hollywood guy, but I’m very connected to a lot of the work and what goes on in this town, so it’s going to be a bit of a sacrifice not to be here in that sense – but the big sacrifice is, I won’t be so close to my grandchildren and Angie and my son James,” he tells us, referring, of course, to Angelina Jolie and her children with Brad Pitt, and to James Haven.

“It would be wonderful to think they could come down and visit, but I don’t know if they ever will do that.  They get so much press every time they move it becomes impossible,” he adds.  “You’d have to have a place that’s pretty secure.”

We caught up with Voight the other night at Fox’s “Lone Star” reception at the Boudoir at Coco de Ville in West Hollywood.  The smart new show, debuting this fall, is about an incredibly charming, handsome and gifted young con man – James Wolk, who not only pulls it off in the pilot, but is getting likened to George Clooney – who has built two phony lives in two different cities, complete with a wife in one and a girlfriend in the other, while bilking business people of millions.  Now he wants to go legit without losing anything, even as suspicions about him are running ever hotter.

Voight does plan to make visits back to L.A., but he knows he’ll be busy.  He says of the series, “I took a look at it, and then I talked it over with my dearest friends and we decided that it might work out.  I had done ‘24’ and it turned out to be very successful for me — the success was that I enjoyed it.

“Then I met the cast.  It doesn’t come along that often that you meet a group of people you really care for immediately, and I did I came to care about each one of these kids very much,” says Voight.  “Somehow we just all clicked and it was like it was just meant to be.”

(In her July 23-opening “Salt,”  Angelina Jolie’s spy character may be good, but may be bad.  In real life, Jolie mastered this duality long ago, as evidenced by the following…)

Originally Published July 2005

Separated at Birth?
Good Angelina vs. Bad Angelina
by Steve Ryfle

Angelina Jolie is a hard one to figure out. Is she a freewheeling free spirit, a hyper-tattooed, oversexed, uninhibited superstar who wears her peccadilloes in plain sight, or a single mother and activist who devotes her free time to the plight of refugees in war-torn countries? Is she a shameless femme fatale, who would swipe an A-list husband away from a fellow actress, or a devoted parent raising her two kids?

The truth is there are two Angelinas, Good Angelina and Bad Angelina. Both were born in 1975, both are Jon Voight’s daughter, and both are big-time tabloid fodder. But while Bad Angelina is giving candid interviews about her sex life, Good Angelina is representin’ for the United Nations around the globe. Will Good eventually triumph over Bad, or will these two contradictory celebrity halves learn to coexist? Here’s how the yin and yang of Jolie measure up.

Melissa Joan Hart, Joey Lawrence "My Fake Fiance" ABC Family photo

Joey Lawrence reports that with a nine-week-old and a four-year-old at home, “I’m lucky if I get four hours of sleep a night” – but he’s not complaining.  “Life is great, man,” he wants us to know.

Joey and wife Chandie went through a harrowing experience with their baby daughter Liberty Grace – “Libby” – who had to be delivered prematurely and kept in intensive care for five days due to complications with Chandie’s Rh disease, a blood condition of which they were unaware until she was already pregnant.

Now he’s happy to have moved on to the normal stresses of parenthood, as Libby and big sister Charli are just fine.  “It’s weird being a dad.  It’s really amazing.  It feels like an out-of-body experience at times,” the one-time teen heartthrob says with a smile.

Joey is also busy gearing up to begin production next month on his and Melissa Joan Hart’s forthcoming “Melissa & Joey” half hour comedy for ABC Family.  He admits there was a time when the last place he expected to find himself was back on series TV – but that was a five-year career break, a family, “Dancing With the Stars” and “My Fake Fiance” ago.  The latter romantic comedy telepic became a record breaker last year, ratings-wise, for ABC Family, which then became starry-eyed over the prospect of bringing Joey and Melissa back together for a series.

Though they have different characters and stories on the series, it’s “inspired by the relationship our characters had in the movie,” he says.  He’ll be playing a “manny” – male nanny – to her character’s niece and nephew.

Lawence reveals that his deal also opened the door for him to do business with ABC Family and Disney as a producer.  “I sold them a movie, ‘Mr. Everything,’ that’s going to be for ABC Family as well,” he says.  “Then we’re working on a film for the feature department.”   Not bad for someone sleep-deprived.

ANOTHER PAGE:  The “Atlas Shrugged” development saga gets curiouser and curiouser.  About four years ago, it appeared Angelina Jolie was a lock to play Dagny Taggart in the adaptation of Ayn Rand’s magnum opus.  Producers Howard and Karen Baldwin were getting a script by “Braveheart” writer Randall Wallace and it seemed the four-decade history of attempts to bring the work to screen at last would have a bright ending.  But scheduling complexities, along with Angelina’s desire to s-l-o-w-l-y slow her career, had an impact.  Reports had it that Anne Hathaway was interested.  And Julia Roberts.  Then last summer, it was reported that Charlize Theron just might become the screen’s Dagny – the small screen’s, that is – as “Atlas” was being reorganized as a miniseries.  But then, Charlize was reported as not going forward with the project.  Angelina was still attached.  And there it sits.

This could be the mother of all development hell stories.

But wait.  Now we get word that casting is underway for “Atlas Shrugged: Part 1” – as a low-budget independent film with all roles open as we write this.  The producer is Stephen Polk, who had not returned our calls at press time.

Hey, maybe going smaller is smarter.  You never know, maybe what it will take to get “Atlas Shrugged” made is a Flip video and puppets.

SUPER SIZE ME:  Fascinating casting notice making the rounds the other day, for several very specific players to appear as projections on a building for a special event being organized by one of the studios.  Among the characters to grace the VERY big screen are a martial artist/gymnast “who can do killer moves” such as trampoline kicks, twins who can mirror each other’s movements perfectly, an acrobat and a contortionist.  Will this be the start of a new trend in outdoor party decorations?

Scarlett Johansson Iron Man 2 Marvel Studios and Paramount Pictures

Summer blockbuster season is upon us, complete with explosions, crashes, amazing special effects and excessive use of the term “elite team.”  And, of course, babes.  What would the hot months be without some hot bods shaking around on the big screen?  Herewith, we present the Top 10 Hot Summer Movie Babes of 2010.  You won’t see any chick flicks included, but don’t worry, ladies, our picks for Hot Hunks are coming up.  Our criterion was simple.  Would anyone buy the poster?  The answer, for all the following ladies, is a resounding “Yes.”

Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow in “Iron Man 2”

Already, there’s talk of giving the sexy comic book arachnid played by 25-year-old Johansson her own movie.  She will, costar Samuel L. Jackson predicts, cause tongues to be hanging out in theaters across the land.  No wonder Robert Downey, Jr.’s Tony Stark announces at first sight, “I want one.”

Gemma Arterton in “Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time”

This 24-year-old British actress is remembered as Strawberry Fields in “Quantum of Solace” and Io in “Clash of the Titans.”  In the “Sands of Time” action fantasy, based on the video game, she’s the princess who teams up with Jake Gyllenhaal to stop a very bad guy from unleashing a sand storm that could destroy the world.

Megan Fox in “Jonah Hex”

Another comic book brought to life, another vehicle for the already highly-admired 23-year-old heart-stopper of “Transformers” renown.  In the horror Western “Jonah Hex” she plays the prostitute love interest of Josh Brolin’s title character.  Lukily, Megan says she just loves making comic book movies.

Cameron Diaz in “Knight & Day”

Teamed up with fellow superstar Tom Cruise as a gal entangled with a super spy who is possibly insane or possibly in extreme jeopardy – or both – Diaz shows that at 37, she’s as funny and beautiful as ever, and able to kick rear as well.

Alice Braga in “Predators”

The 27-year-old “I Am Legend” actress from Sao Paulo, Brazil is expected — if you listen to the buzz — to make a breakthrough with her role in this sequel to the Arnold Schwarzenegger sci fi/action/horror hit, “Predator.”  She plays a Brazilian Black Ops SAD sniper among a murderous group dropped on an alien planet as game for hunters.

Monica Bellucci in “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice”

A proven pinup, still beautiful at 45, the Italian actress of “The Matrix” fame plays Veronica, a sorceress who is the long-lost love of Nicolas Cage’s character, in the magic-filled Jerry Bruckheimer production.

Angelina Jolie in “Salt”

Is Evelyn Salt bad or good?  Hm.  The question at the heart Angelina’s latest action thriller parallels what people have been wondering about the actress herself for years.  In this big-screen tale of a – possible – sleeper spy, she alters her appearance drastically yet remains stunning.

Charisma Carpenter in “The Expendables”

Somebody had to do it – play The Girl amongst Sylvester Stallone and his cadre of action movie guys including Jason Statham, Jet Li, Terry Crews and Steve Austin.  Carpenter, veteran of “Buffy The Vampire Slayer” and Playboy magazine pictorial, plays Statham’s fiancée.

Mary Elizabeth Winstead in “Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World”

The North Carolina native, 25, plays the girl of Michael Cera’s dreams – so dreamy, she’s worth conquering her seven evil exes, who are bent upon killing him! – in this highly-anticipated adaptation of the hit graphic novel.

Zoe Saldana in “Takers”

Uhura in “Star Trek.”  The voice of Neytiri in “Avatar.”  Saldana’s count of blockbusters just keeps going up and up.  This year, if all goes as is expected, she’ll have five films out, including the August release crime thriller, “Takers” with Paul Walker, Michael Ealy, Idris Elba, Hayen Christensen, and Chris Brown.

Michelle "Bombshell" McGee Photo by Alvarado

The tackier Michelle “Bombshell” McGee turns out to be, the more it’s clear her affair with Jesse James has scored a permanent place among Hollywood’s biggest cheating scandals. Coming to light mere days after beloved American Sweetheart Sandra Bullock won her Oscar for “The Blind Side,” Bullock’s husband’s extra-marital dalliance with McGee looks worse and worse the more her heavily-tattooed bod appears all over the internet, TV and tabloids, along with her claims of 11 months of sex with James while Bullock was none the wiser. We’ve learned that she’s a fetish model who’s done girl-with-girl and Nazi photo spreads and taught her child the Nazi salute.

Jesse, you cheated on Sandra Bullock with THIS?

This mess is shocking, embarrassing, tawdry and sad – adjectives that apply again and again as we look back on the Top 10 Most Notorious Hollywood Cheating Scandals of the past 20 years:

NANNY TELLS ALL
“’He felt so lovely. We kissed and kissed for what seemed like ages. I was thinking, I cannot believe this. Jude Law is snogging me!’” That’s a breathless Daisy Wright, remembering in her diary what was going through her mind the memorable night her status changed from nanny of Jude Law’s children to playmate of the actor himself. After a night of passion, they awoke to find one of Jude’s children by the bed, crying “Daddy, daddy. I had a bad dream.” Law’s nightmare was just beginning. When his ex-wife, Sadie Frost, heard from said child about his nanny shenanigans, she fired Daisy. Daisy then took her story to Fleet Street. Steamy details of her sexcapades with Law emerged, including her description of a tryst atop a pool table. London, not to mention the rest of the world, snickered. Mind you, Law was engaged to Sienna Miller at the time. They split. But what goes around comes around — and around — in the case of Jude Law and Sienna Miller, apparently. In 2008, it was Miller’s affair with married father of four Balthazar Getty that got the headlines, along with paparazzi pics of the actress topless with Getty. Now, nearly five years after the whoops-a-Daisy imbroglio, Law and Miller are a couple again.

RUNAWAY BRIDE
In 1991, “Flatliners” leading man and leading lady. Kiefer Sutherland and Julia Roberts, planned a suitably Hollywood wedding for June. It would be a studio soundstage shebang and a swarm of stars and other power players would be on hand. Except…suddenly news broke that the wedding had been called off and, snap, Julia turned up at a hotel in Ireland with none other than Jason Patric – Kiefer’s friend! It was subsequently revealed that Julia had discovered Kiefer had been having a side relationship — with a stripper named Amanda Rice! The situation was lose-lose all around, except for the gossip media, which had a field day all summer long. Roberts landed in the hospital with the flu – for five days. She finished “Hook” on strained terms with Steven Spielberg, and the crew nicknamed her “Tinkerhell.” In recent years, Sutherland has said he holds no grudge against Roberts – “I commend Julia for seeing how young and silly we were…even as painful and as difficult as it was.” However, he still has no use for Patric. Roberts, of course, starred in another Hollywood cheating scandal a decade later when she hooked up with married cameraman Danny Moder, who split with his wife to be with Roberts. She and Moder wed in 2002 and they have three children.

BRANGELINA
“Brad & Angelina Get NAKED Together!” screamed a tabloid headline in May, 2004, while the couple was making their “Mr. & Mrs. Smith” action comedy – and his Mrs. was Jennifer Aniston. The romantic leads were making out off-camera as well as on, if you were to believe the tabs, which also reported that Aniston was going out of her mind with jealousy. Denials flew, but in Spring 2005, Aniston filed for divorce and “Brangelina” was seen vacationing on a beach in Kenya. “Team Jen” and “Team Angie” t-shirts became hot items on the internet. Jolie was, after all, the woman who had taken Billy Bob Thornton away from Laura Dern, the woman who had talked openly of her bisexuality and sex play with knives, the woman who had given her own brother a sexy-looking kiss when she won a Golden Globe. This femme fatale appeared the antithesis of girl-next-door popular Jen. The Jolie-Pitt affair still rankles in some quarters – even though Angelina and Brad are known for philanthropy and actively concerned in international relief…and even though they’re now the parents of six children. In 2008, Jolie’s comment to the New York Times essentially confirming for the first time the fact that she and Pitt had fallen in love while making “Mr. & Mrs. Smith,” was met with jeers.

WOODY AND SOON-YI
The public disgust quotient was high when news broke that 56-year-old auteur filmmaker Woody Allen was having an affair with 21-year-old Soon-Yi Previn – his de facto step-daughter, since he’d been in a relationship with her adoptive mother, Mia Farrow, for 12 years. Poor Mia had discovered the truth in a shocking way, when she came across nude photos of Soon-Yi that Woody had taken. Court battles over custody of Woody’s and Mia’s adopted son and daughter and their biological son followed – with Mia accusing Woody of inappropriate behavior with the seven-year-old daughter. “I hope you get so humiliated you commit suicide,” wrote their adopted son, Moses, in a letter to Woody that was read in court. Although his popularity plummeted, Woody has since said that Mia’s discovery of the pictures set in motion a positive turn in his life. “The heart wants what it wants,” he explained of his relationship with Soon-Yi. He married her in 1998 and they have two adopted daughters.

THE MUG SHOTS SEEN ‘ROUND THE WORLD
Hugh Grant was thrust into international stardom in 1994 with the release of “Four Weddings and a Funeral.” He and his long-time lady, the gorgeous Elizabeth Hurley, became known as a chic and witty celebrity couple. Then, in 1995, he achieved a different kind of public attention, picked up in an L.A. Vice Squad sting operation along with a Hollywood hooker who called herself Divine Brown. Their mug shots showed up everywhere, and the jokes flew. Days later, Grant turned the tide of public sentiment in his favor in a matter of minutes, when he surprisingly decided to keep a “Tonight Show” date to promote his next movie – and sat there looking like an abashed schoolboy when Jay Leno hit him with “What the hell were you thinking?!” Grant told Leno, “I think you know in life what’s a good thing to do and what’s a bad thing, and I did a bad thing. And there you have it.” He exuded a combination of possible contrition and naughty charm and provided a template for effective celebrity apologies thenceforth. He paid a $1,180 fine and did an AIDS education program, but the embarrassing scandal left him relatively unscathed. He made up with Hurley and their relationship lasted ‘til 2000.

AMERICA’S SWEETHEART STUMBLES
Meg Ryan’s fall from adored cinema sweetheart was swift and complete when her affair with Aussie bad boy Russell Crowe became public knowledge. The two hooked up while they were making 2000’s “Proof of Life” — despite the fact she had her nice little family waiting for her at home: husband Dennis Quaid and their eight-year-old son Jack. Openly traveling with Crowe, the girl from “Sleepless in Seattle” and “When Harry Met Sally” inspired disappointment and downright anger in former fans. The Crowe-Ryan affair lasted only months. She and Quaid divorced in 2001 after a nine-year marriage. In 2008, Ryan finally told InStyle that she wasn’t the first to cheat in that marriage, that “Dennis was not faithful to me for a long time, and that was very painful.” But by then her years as a Hollywood box office attraction had become fading memories.

HALLE BERRY’S HUBBY, THE SEX ADDICT
Sandra Bullock may feel a sad sort of sisterhood with Halle Berry. While Halle was in the Oscar season spotlight prior to her “Monster’s Ball” win in 2002, her then-husband Eric Benet was cheating on her. For awhile there, it had seemed Halle had gotten it right with her hunky R&B star mate. She’d grown close to his daughter and their relationship had flourished. But there had been troubles for a long time, it turned out. The revelation of Benet’s affair with singer Julia Riley led to his checking himself into Arizona’s The Meadows for sex addiction rehab. A barrage of headlines followed: Is sex addiction real? Is it a ploy of Eric’s to get back into Halle’s good graces? How prevalent is sex addiction? In 2003, the couple split for good. In 2008, when David Duchovny checked himself into rehab for a sex addiction (but not because of any affairs! His publicist insisted!) Benet told New York magazine he wished Duchovny good luck with that, but he, Eric, wasn’t really a sex addict. So then, how did he account for his behavior? “Stupid-ass mistakes,” said Benet. Yeah, they don’t have rehab for that yet.

PLUS ONE HUSBAND, MINUS ANOTHER
To say Anne Heche has a checkered romantic past is like saying Kirstie Alley’s weight has fluctuated – quite an understatement. So when Heche followers learned that she’d taken up with her “Men in Trees” leading man, the handsome James Tupper – despite both being married to others at the time – it didn’t come as a total shock A public and very bitter divorce from her cameraman-turned-realtor ex-husband Coley Laffoon ensued, including Heche calling Laffoon a lazy a—on David Letterman’s show. (Laffoon is the father of Heche’s son Homer, 8, and Tupper is daddy to her son Atlas, 1.) You may recall that Anne met Laffoon when he was doing camera on a comedy show project for her then-lover Ellen DeGeneres. Before she and Ellen got together, she was known for having broken Steve Martin’s heart Tupper would like to get married, but Heche says she likes the idea of having permanent fiancée status.

MATERIAL GIRL SPORTS YANKEE SLUGGER
The nasty Madonna/Guy Ritchie divorce included all the gossip about her relationship with New York Yankees star Alex Rodriguez — whose wife reportedly left him because of the Material Man-taker as well. Or, as Time magazine put it in July, 2008: “The relationship that appears to have helped unravel the six-year Rodriguez marriage involves no mere Vegas stripper or D-list country star. This couple is fighting about the only woman on earth who can top A-Rod in both net worth and push-ups — Madonna.” There were photos of Madge and A-Rod together, reports of their traveling to Mexico. But for all the attention and damage their relationship created, it was called an affair of the heart and spirit rather than infidelity. Curious.

YOUR CHEATIN’ HEART
The “CSI: Miami” hunk tells us that things are “finally starting to calm down and be the way the way they’re supposed to be” – more than a year after reports emerged of his and LeAnn Rimes’ relationship becoming more than professional on the set of their “Northern Lights” Lifetime movie. He was married to model Brandi Glanville, mother of their two young sons, and LeAnn was married to her one-time backup dancer Dean Sheramet. There were the predictable denials of an affair, then there were Cibrian’s and Rimes’ marital splits, then their respective divorces. Saying she felt she no longer knew Cibrian, Glanville said she told LeAnn, “You can have him.” “I think things happen for a reason,” Cibrian, now openly with Rimes, told us. “I’m just focusing on work and focusing on my family.” — Stacy Jenel Smith

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart

The New Year — make that the New Decade — is upon us. While we can’t tell you how long the economic recovery will continue or give you a timetable for climate change, we do have our trusty celebrity crystal ball here and we’re ready to make our fearless predictions about Hollywood and its stars in 2010.

By the end of next year, people will finally catch on that “The Hills” is the worst show on television and it will be canceled … if we’re lucky.

Brad and Angelina will adopt a child from an obscure country while Madonna stands by jealously watching the media attention.

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson will finally announce they’re a couple.

Tyler Perry will make a movie in which he’s wearing a dress.

Lady Gaga will make a movie in which she’s wearing half a dress.

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz will bring into the world a little sister or brother to go with son Bronx Mowgli Wentz. The new baby’s name will be Brooklyn Bagheera Wentz or Manhattan Shere Khan Wentz.

2010 will be a comeback year for Dave Chappelle.

It won’t be a comeback year for Bobby Brown.

Meryl Streep will make it 16 Academy Award nominations with her “Julie & Julia” performance. Duh! She already has the record for Oscar noms with 15, three more than Katharine Hepburn and Jack Nicholson.

Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson will make headlines once again for dating Mr. Wrong while John Mayer will wallow in his self-appreciation.

Tina Fey will rule the universe.

The Kardashian sisters will have started collecting alimony from some of the world’s biggest athletes.

Jane Lynch will get an armload of awards for her instant classic character, the Machiavellian, sadistic yet delightful Coach Sue on “Glee.”

Like a ticking time bomb, Lindsay Lohan will self-destruct. Oh, wait, too late.

Jillian Harris and Ed Swiderski will join the rest of “The Bachelorette” broken hearts club.

Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper will become the first TV personalities to negotiate contract extensions with bonuses on a “per pound” basis, as NBC keeps bringing in heavier and heavier contestants (coming up: a 526-pounder) to get more episodes out of each “Biggest Loser” season.

Michael Jackson’s family will find new ways to cash in on his legacy.

Amid reports of infidelity, Jessica Alba will finally realize that she cannot bank on her husband, Cash.

George Clooney will finally settle down.

Yeah right. Like that would ever happen.

New ABC News anchor Diane Sawyer will be judged on her appearance.

The countdown to Oprah’s last show will become unbearably drawn out and exhausting, and it isn’t even 2011 yet.

The countdown to Arnold Schwarzenegger’s departure from the California governor’s mansion a year from now will become unbearable — because it’s still so far away. With an eye on his future, the bodybuilding champ turned movie star turned politician will sign up to become a contestant on “Dancing With the Stars,” proving once again that ballroom dancing doesn’t make you a girlie man.

The Jonas Brothers’ fans will start to come to grips with the fact they’re growing up and moving on — Kevin got married, Nick has a solo album and his own group, and Joe is moving more into acting and being the center of dating rumors. So girls, better drink in all of the second season of the “Jonas” series this coming summer while you can.

More people will come to grips with the hard truth that when you call a television network to complain about something, you make it stronger, e.g. MTV’s “Jersey Shore.” The latter premiered to about 1.4 million viewers, but thanks to controversy over its portrayal of Italians, the viewership jumped to about 2.1 million viewers in its second week. And then there’s Adam Lambert’s American Music Awards performance.

Lambert will become the first male celebrity to land a cosmetics spokesmodel gig, hawking eyeliner.

Since he’s proven that he helps anything he emcees — the TVLand Awards, the Tonys, the Emmys — Neil Patrick Harris will be asked to host the 2010 Tiger Woods Chevron World Challenge golf tournament.

The “Ghost Hunters” on SyFy will at long last capture unequivocal proof of post-mortem activity when they stumble onto the vaporous visage of Jon Gosselin’s TV career.

— Stacy Jenel Smith and Emily-Fortune Feimster

Sarah Palin

With Thanksgiving almost upon us again, it’s time to dish those celebrity turkeys whose behavior you found hard to swallow this year — the 2008 Tacky Taste Awards, voted on by readers. Here are the Top 10 results: