Beck/Smith Hollywood

Snooki

Happy Thanksgiving to one and all, and a big serving of gratitude to the readers who contributed their votes — and wit — to this annual celebrity turkey shoot. Our cornucopia overflows with tackiness, so let’s get to it:

1. Snooki. Just in time for her 23rd birthday this week (Nov. 23), the petite “Jersey Shore” vixen becomes the top vote getter in the 33rd Annual Beck/Smith Hollywood Tacky Taste Awards. Yes, Snooki, nee Nicole Polizzi, won the hearts — or at least, the attention — of Tacky voters across the land.

“Cute little figure and dumb as a box of rocks. Snooki is my Tacky Princess for 2010,” writes R.M. of Anaheim, CA. “Snooki and ‘Tacky’ go together like Cheetohs and orange fingers. Ya gotta love her,” says Jamie L. of Canton, OH. Referring to her arrest this past summer for loudly stumbling around drunk on a beach, Teri99 points out: “When a judge calls you a ‘Lindsay Lohan wannabe’ it just doesn’t get tackier than that.” Carlos G. of New York brought up Snooki’s surprising “Happy Birthday” Twitter exchange with John McCain: “Look out. This is how it all began with Sarah Palin.”

2. Lady Gaga. “Lady Ga-ga’s dress con carne pushed her into the gag-o-sphere of tackiness” as reader Bernice R. of Naples, FL cleverly puts it. She adds, “I propose a last name for her: ‘Maggot.’ Then, she could be called, ‘Lady Gag-a-Maggot.’ Grace H. of Burbank, CA, concurs: “She seems to be the figment of a deranged mind. She really went too far when she was dressed in slabs of meat. Now that Mr. Blackwell is gone women will do anything.”

Kate Gosselin

3. Kate Gosselin. “She claims to ‘do it all for the kids’ but goes around dressed like a $2 whore and never misses an opportunity to denigrate and bash her ex-husband,” says reader Dee W.. Tell us how you really feel, Dee! She continues that Gosselin “treats other people as if they are less than human, including her own children. This not only is bad for the children, it’s now showing up in the kids’ behavior as well, with 2 of them being expelled from kindergarten (!!) for bullying and mistreating their fellow students.”

4. ‘DWTS’/Bristol Palin. “The politicizing of ‘Dancing With the Stars,’ their fawning over Sarah Palin, and all the Tea Partiers voting to keep the clearly

Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas ABC photo

inferior Bristol in the competition all these weeks, has ruined the show for me. I won’t be watching any more,” proclaims Joanne R. of West Haven, CT. Others, like brucekn write, “It’s ‘Dancing With the Stars.’ Since when is Bristol Palin a star?”

5. Mel Gibson/Oksana Grigorieva. “I certainly don’t condone Gibson’s terrible behavior, what with the racist rants, the verbal abuse and threats he’s heaped on Oksana, and the fact he left his wife for this nasty woman. However, I feel sorry for him because he is obviously mentally ill and she took advantage of

Mel Gibson

that to trap and extort him. The whole situation is beyond tacky,” writes TrulyJenC. Her sentiments are echoed by Rory from Atlanta: “All she cares about is $$. These tapes exploit his bipolar disease. Stop posting them!” But others are less sympathetic to the rage-spewing star. Tim G. of Northridge, CA, blasts, “Set up or not, Gibson is an abuser, pure and simple. His claim of being ‘broke’ is funny. I thought he had a $900 million fortune not so long ago. So, now he’s down to $300 million and feeling the pinch? I should be so broke.”

6. David Arquette, for “going on Howard Stern’s show after the announcement of his marital split from Courteney Cox and airing all their dirty laundry? Announcing his having sex with another woman? Ugh. I wonder how Courteney stayed with this idiot for so long,” wrote Rochelle T. of St. Louis.

7. Charlie Sheen. “I don’t know which is worse: Sheen or his Hollywood enablers. He tears up a NYC hotel room and clocks a hooker and they say it’s an allergic reaction?! As long as the checks are good, right folks?” — Rich M., Newark, NJ

8. The Kardashians. The celebutante/socialite sisters Kourtney, Kim, and Khloe seen on “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” drew tacky votes for various reasons. “Kim flaunting her sexual relationship with Miles Austin in front of ex Reggie Bush shows again she’s a total skank” — Tenney, Brooklyn, NY. “Khloe’s ongoing comments about finding it hard to conceive with Lamar Odom are tacky T.M.I.” — Brenda K., San Diego, CA. “I still don’t get what these three sleazy man-eating @#!$es are famous for.” — Pat O., El Paso, TX

9. Joaquin Phoenix. Clearly, Casey Affleck’s “I’m Still Here: The Lost Year of Joaquin Phoenix” hoax was a dud. Bernice R. skewers Joaquin thusly: “Wacky jokester but otherwise talented, Joaquin Phoenix’s nauseating hair and beard garnered him literally tens of fans worldwide this year, bringing the total attendance to his last movie to 72 virgins, but only if you count the enamored camels.” Ouch.

10. Laura Schlessinger. A past Tacky Taste winner returns, with complaints over her tackiness summed up by G.H.: “Laura Schlessinger used the ‘N’ word repeatedly as she was talking to a caller who was black.”

Dishonorable Mentions. They’re not celebrities, but many would agree with Michael B. of Rockford, Il, when he says “The brain trust at the Transportation Security Agency who came up with the virtual strip search and sexually invasive pat downs to which travelers are suddenly being subjected are tackiest of all this year.” Then there’s “Stephen Colbert’s appearance before the Senate hearings on migrant workers. [It] will stand forever in the annals of tackiness, otherwise known as the Congressional Record. Single-handedly, Colbert elevated a government committee up to the level of cheap entertainment. Kudos also go to Jon Stewart for calling the President of the United States, ‘Dude,’ to his face.” — B.R., FL

And that’s it for this year. Here’s hoping all your turkeys offer the very best of taste.

Charlie Sheen

Communications expert, professor and author Dr. Lillian Glass reports she’s simply staggered to find the archetypes in her new “Toxic Men” book making news these days all over the celebrity sphere.  And once she starts naming names, she makes a very good case for just that.

“It’s been amazing, what is happening in the headlines.  For instance, Charlie Sheen — a celebrity face and name — is absolutely a toxic type.  He’s in the category of  the gloom and doom self-destructive victim.  He’s had it all, had everything handed to him over and over, yet he has these self-destructive issues including being with the women he should not be with again and again, and being very hostile with them,” says Glass, who’ll be seen with Joy Behar and Dr. Phil this week tubthumping on behalf of the tome.

Mel Gibson

Next, there’s “Mel Gibson, the control freak type, the ultimate bully, so full of rage and hate, and even a little bit of the sadist, we see going on…”

And, “John Mayer, the emotional refrigerator.  We see him go through these major relationships and, as a body language expert, I see that his body language is the same over and over again.  Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson — he walks ahead of these women.  You see no affection.”

Glass, whose book not only includes clues to look for in order to avoid toxic types (women too), but guidelines for dealing with them when one must, on the job or socially, points to Jesse James as another archtype.  “The silent but deadly erupting volcano.  He’s so quiet and sweet,

Jesse James

but then there’s all this cheating with several women, and the photo with him wearing a Nazi hat — this obnoxious passive-aggressive attitude about his alleged racism.”

She views Michael Lohan as the toxic type she deems “the sneaky two-faced meddling backstabber” and who could disagree?

John Edwards she titles The Wishy Washy Spineless Wimp.  We get that.

Kanye West, meanwhile, is “a narcissist.  It’s all about him.  For anybody to go onstage and take an award out of another person’s hands saying they don’t deserve it — that’s the ultimate act of narcissism.  He’s the Me Myself and I type of toxic man.”

The Jealous Competitor type is represented by Chris Brown, in her view.  “When a man hits a woman, it’s about envy and jealousy — competitiveness.  This is where you find cases of abuse — this type and the controllers.”

At the very worst end of the scale are emotionless psycho sociopaths capable of acting very charming.  “They’re blamers, nothing is their fault. And they’re liars.”  She places fraud perpetrator Bernie Madoff and murder suspect Joran Van Der Sloot in that category.

Last but not least, there’s the “manipulative cheating liar, which is Tiger Woods,” says Glass.  “We saw him.   He gave that mea culpa speech, but it was all for his golf game.”

Glass’s book, of course, has much more information and nuance.  “Of the 15 books I’ve written, this is the one I’m most excited about,” she says, “the one I believe can most positively change lives,”  Or at least, be entertaining as all get-out.

Mel Gibson

At least Mel Gibson’s making some people happy.  With every new rant tape release, there’s been a new crop of comedy bits on TV, radio, internet and, well, most  anywhere people are being funny.  Even Arnold Schwarzenegger got into the act, with the AP reporting that the California Governor told a group of utility commissioners in Sacramento that it looks as though BP has capped the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico, but “no one has figured out how to contain Mel Gibson.”  The fake Anger Management classes that have been spliced together featuring Gibson, Christian Bale and Alec Baldwin in full tilt fury are a newer twist to the half dozen or so Gibson- Bale-Baldwin phony phone calls out there.

All of which should serve as a cautionary note to celebrities everywhere:  these days, if you’re recorded while screaming, it will never, ever go away.  And you could find yourself in bad company, too.  Just ask Kanye West, Michael Richards, Will Arnett, Glenn Beck, Lily Tomlin, Seth Green and Matt Damon, who are among the regulars in Celebrity Rant mashups on You Tube.

Too bad no one was around with a recorder when Paris Hilton had a temper tantrum in the middle of a restaurant while dining with Pam Anderson – because no one was reading the menu to her highness.

Or when Russell Crowe was so bent out of shape over his Manhattan hotel room phone not working, he ripped it out of the wall, went downstairs and hurled it at the concierge.

Or when Madonna went into a rage on the set of a Britney Spears video in which she co-starred, because her costume didn’t fit.  If only that tape were available.

ON A DIFFERENT NOTE:  Hayley Hasselhoff is looking forward to showing off the musical side of her performing abilities when the 16-year-old and her 20-year-old sister, Taylor, and their father, David, unveil their family reality show on A&E in November.  She notes that she and Taylor “have a band together, Bella Vida, and the show will show us in the process of making our album and stuff.”  That, of course, is in addition to their tabloid-ready personal lives.  The pretty blond actress and model of ABC Family’s “Huge” has grown used to deflecting unwanted attention and jibes from media, she lets us know.  “Why let someone bring you down when it doesn’t have to happen?  My dad always says, ‘Let them do what they need to do and stay focused on what you need to do.’”

Diahann Carroll

What a month for Diahann Carroll, with USA’s “White Collar” starting its second season amid strong ratings and critical kudos — even as she launches her “The Lady…The Music…The Legend.” PBS special with its debut airing set for July 31 on Los Angeles’ station KCET.  And the ever-glamorous Diahann turns 75 on Saturday (7/17).

Her diamond birthday celebration “will be small, but special,” she says.

Diahann tells us she’ll be traveling to support of some of the PBS pledge drives to which her “The Lady…” one-woman show is being attached this summer (check local listings), but doesn’t know her itinerary as of yet.

“The hardest part was just surviving it, putting it on its feet,” she says, referring to the special, filmed live this past Spring as a benefit for the Annenberg Theater at The Palm Springs Art Museum.  “We misjudged and didn’t feel that it was going to be as large a project as it became.  I’ve never taken so many trips back and forth to Palm Springs in so short a time.”

Diahann has just returned from a trip to New York, where she filmed two episodes of “White Collar” as June — a.k.a. she who has the handsome ex-con Neal Caffrey (Matt Bomer) staying at her swanky Manhattan pad in the USA hit.

“I’ll go back in New York in August to shoot maybe two more,” says the Tony-winning Broadway veteran, who loves to take in shows whenever she visits her old  stamping grounds.  She does not, however, see herself returning to the Great White Way.

“It would be great fun.  I admire Angela Lansbury, but I don’t look forward to eight performances a week.  I guess it’s all those years of performing in Vegas, Tahoe and Reno doing two shows a night – some hotels have three shows a night.  That really takes a toll on the body, and you feel it later.  My last dangerous hurrah was doing ‘Sunset Boulevard’ in Canada, when I broke my fibula.  I’m absolutely fine now, but it took a long time to heal and I’m in no mood to face anything like that again.”

This year, “While I was recuperating from the rigors of doing the show in Palm Springs, I was reading ‘White Collar’ scripts.  I think my horizon at the moment is perfect.”  Happy Birthday, Diahann.

THE BIG SCREEN SCENE:  Sean Astin reports he’s now looking at a November production start for his and wife Christine Harrell’s labor of love movie project, “Number the Stars.”  They wrote the screenplay based on Lois Lowry’s beloved Newbery-winning young readers’ book about two 10-year-old girls who are best friends – one Jewish and one Lutheran – in 1943 Denmark, when Danes launched a massive flotilla to evacuate Jews ahead of the Nazis.

Sean, who continues to act while pressing forward with the movie, admits, “We wanted to be shooting in August, but that’s not going to be possible.  We’re doing it — like Frank Sinatra said — we’re doing it ‘My Way.’  We may never get it done, but we’re not getting it done my way,” adds Sean with a laugh.

He’s been speaking to potential investors at every opportunity, including his recent trek to Las Vegas to participate in a charity poker tourney.  When it comes to financing, he’s found, “Building a movie is like building a company.”

MEDICATION CAN WORK WONDERS:  It looks like about the only way for Mel Gibson to get back in the public’s and industry’s good graces at this point – not to mention surmounting law enforcement issues — would be for him to turn up in treatment.  Serious treatment.  His out-of-control, racist, anti-Semitic-misogynistic rants could certainly pass for those of someone afflicted with a mental disorder.  In fact, he sounds like someone who needs help.

CASTING CORNER:  While “Grey Gardens” director Michael Sucsy fine tunes the script for his “The Vow” feature that rolls in August, casting is underway for the family members of Rachel McAdams’ character in the drawn-from-real-life drama.  McAdams and Channing Tatum play the madly-in-love newlyweds whose world is torn apart when they get into a horrific car crash that leaves her with amnesia.  She can remember her mother, father, brother, sister, etc., but not her husband – and finds it more comfortable to be back with her conservative, conformist clan than this stranger with whom she seems to have nothing in common.  Why did she leave home in the first place?  Will her soulmate manage to reconnect with her?  We’ll have to wait until next year to find out.

Mel Gibson is...

...really like two guys

The questions continue as to whether Mel Gibson’s latest deranged diatribe will cost him what’s left of his movie star career.  We decided to take a straw poll of industry insiders, and the result was absolutely…mixed.

“Yes,” answered one major producer simply.

“I think it will be career-altering, not career-ending.  He doesn’t have Ed Limato to help him this time,” pointed out another producer, referring to Gibson’s revered agent and friend of decades, who died July 3.   (Update:  The Wrap confirmed today that William Morris Endeavor is no longer representing Gibson.  http://www.thewrap.com/movies/column-post/wme-drops-mel-gibson-client-19112 We should have known when WME ran an In Memoriam advertisement in Variety that included photos with Limato and many of his other star clients and left out Gibson.)

A veteran Hollywood publicist told us, “I think it’s really a sad thing.  He seems to be two guys, doesn’t he?  No, it won’t end his career.  That degree of stardom is a high citadel, hard to shake.  He’s made good movies, he brings a lot to his movies.  How many people can say that?”

Nicole LaPorte of The Daily Beast smartly pointed out in her “Why Mel Will Get Away With It” piece on the website a few days ago that Gibson is still worth almost a billion dollars and has an entertainment empire in his Icon Productions.  He has the power to produce his own films and even distribute them through a theater chain he recently bought in Australia.  On top of that, his words will have less impact in some parts of the planet than at home.

Then there’s Bill Maher’s suggestion on Twitter that Gibson “has to own being the biggest a—— in the world…There’s an audience for that — embrace it, Mel — walk toward the dark”

“He alienated so many people with his anti-Semitic statements a few years ago,” noted a series actor, “I don’t think he recovered from that.  I have to say, it’s dirty pool to tape a private conversation and then leak it to the tabloids.”

True, Gibson still has plenty of residual ill will from his anti-Semitic tirade to California Highway Patrol officers back in 2006 when he was arrested for drunk driving.  Now hurling the N-word, along with profanity-laden verbal abuse toward his highly-estranged girlfriend and mother of his latest child, Oksana Grigorieva, in the audio clips that came out last week, he’s alienated yet more of his audience. Grigorieva’s accusations of domestic violence made things all the worse.  An Access Hollywood poll showed 72 per cent of moviegoers saying they’ll pass on future Gibson films, while others – such as the author of a new blog called Mel Gibson: Just Go Away – would like to shut down his act for good.

However, responded a writer-producer who’s worked with Gibson, “If you’re saying people won’t come to see his movies because of this, no.  That’s just not how it works in the business.  As long as he’s productive he’ll have an audience.”   We’ll see.

Jimmy Buffett

RISING TO THE OCCASION:  Kudos to Jimmy Buffett for pressing forward with plans for his free concert Sunday (7/11) in Gulf Shores, AL – rescheduled from July 1 due to weather problems — to encourage visitors to come stay at Gulf Coast hotels and frequent the beach businesses that are now virtually empty.  The beloved music man just opened his Margaritaville Beach Hotel on Pensacola Beach week before last.  Pensacola talk show personality Taris Savell describes the $50 million place as “stunning.”  But of course, Buffett is enduring a lack of reservations along with all his fellow Gulf Coast hoteliers as the BP oil disaster continues.  The concert will be on the beach, where a stage is being constructed.  The 35,000 tickets to Buffett’s concert went in 10 minutes.

CASTING CORNER:  Casting forces on “Moneyball” have been scouting bout for a 10-eyar-old girl who can play the daughter of Brad Pitt and Robin Wright.  The character is described as smart, engaging and able to play the guitar.  And obviously, she’s attractive as well.

Jon Gosselin

by Stacy Jenel Smith

Jon Gosselin agrees with the rest of us:  he is a jerk.

The man whose former girlfriend Hailey Glassman was inspired by him to coin the term ‘mantrum,’ popped up at the West Side Jewish Center in New York last fall to issue his mea culpa to Rabbi Shmuley Boteach before a crowd of 150.

Humiliating his soon-to-be-ex-wife and the mother of his eight children, Kate Gosselin, by publicly carrying on relationships with three different women while they were still married, he said, ‘was a huge mistake, because if she would’ve done that to me, I would have been extremely pissed off.  Not because our relationship is over, it’s almost like a stab in the back.  And now that I think about it, it was a very wrong thing to do. I definitely regret it.’

Ha, now that he thinks about it.

The ‘Jon and Kate Plus 8′ baby daddy also said that ‘Half the stuff I’ve done, if I look at my moral compass, I shouldn’t have done.  I know that but I did it anyway.  It’s like fame canceled out conviction.’

He’s told his kids he’s sorry for not being there.  He wants to apologize to Kate in private.  And there it is — another celebrity apologia complete.

It’s practically become a new art form — or at least a public relations extension course possibility:  How to do the ‘I’m sorry’ circuit to make everything all better after screwing things up.  Learn to craft those heartfelt words that will get you or your client off the hook.   Here are 10 methods employed by the Sorry Celebrity pros:

David Letterman

1.  Deflect attacks by making self-deprecating remarks, especially if they’re funny.  David Letterman, who came clean about his sexual relationships with female staffers during his grand jury testimony about an alleged extortion attempt against him, acknowledged on his show that his behavior had hurt his wife ‘horribly.’   Then he added, ‘Right now, I would give anything to be hiking on the Appalachian Trail.  I got in the car this morning — and the navigation lady wasn’t speaking to me.’  Talking about the autumn weather, Letterman added that he’d spent the weekend ‘raking my hate mail….And it’s cold, too.  I mean chilly outside my house, chilly inside my house.’

Kanye West

2.  Get emotional.  Did you see Kanye West apologizing for disrupting Taylor Swift’s MTV Video Music Awards acceptance speech on the premiere installment of Jay Leno’s prime time show?   You ended up feeling sorry for HIM.  Kanye’s an enormously gifted man, but he’s making himself more widely known for these awards show outbursts than his performing.   ‘I feel like Ben Stiller in ‘Meet the Parents’ when he messed up everything and Robert De Niro asked him to leave,’ he wrote on his blog.  ‘That was Taylor’s moment and I had no right in any way to take it from her. I am truly sorry.’  (So he didn’t learn after pulling similar shenanigans over Gretchen Wilson’s American Music Awards win, or Justice vs Simian’s at the MTV Europe Music Awards?) When his written statements didn’t cut it, he went on with Leno, who got him all choked up by asking what his mom would have said.

3.  Join in with the crowd and say things about yourself that everyone else is saying.  ‘There is no excuse, nor should there be any tolerance, for anyone who thinks or expresses any kind of anti-Semitic remark.’  Yeah!  You tell ‘em, Mel Gibson.  In the long written apology following his slur-infected diatribe upon being arrested on a DUI charge in 2006, the star also acknowledged, ‘I am a public person, and when I say something, either articulated and thought out, or blurted out in a moment of insanity, my words carry weight in the public arena. As a result, I must assume personal responsibility for my words and apologize directly to those who have been hurt and offended by those words.’  True, but despite the fact the incident was expunged from his record in October after Mel successfully completed the terms of his three-year probation, lots of people aren’t forgetting.

4.  Claim insanity.  Yes, you read above that Mel Gibson invoked the I-word as part of his good guy image reclamation efforts.  Others have rolled out the ol’ temporary insanity ploy as well.  Michael Richards, acting as if he was personally baffled over his hurling of the N-word during an onstage tirade at L.A.’s Laugh Factory in ’06, was quoted saying, ‘I’m not racist — that’s what’s so insane about this.’

5.  Blame the media.  This was part of Sharon Stone’s approach when she offended China by with her statement, on the red carpet at the Cannes Film Festival, that maybe the deadly earthquake that had just taken place there was karma for the country’s ill treatment of Tibet.  ‘Yes, I misspoke,’ one of her statements acknowledged.  ‘I could not be more regretful of that mistake.  It was unintentional.  I apologize, those words were never meant to be hurtful to anyone, they were an accident of my distraction and a product of news sensationalism.’  Well, she’s just lucky she wasn’t dealing with the Chinese media.  The country’s official Xinhua News Agency’s response to her ‘accident’ was to declare Sharon the ‘public enemy of all mankind.’  They don’t kid around.

6.  Say it’s all about your art.  When Christian Bale went on the Kevin and Bean show on  L.A.’s KROQ FM radio station to apologize for his (recorded and widely replayed) profanity-laden tirade against a ‘Terminator’ crew member last year, he said his freak out was due to the intense nature of his craft.   He was in the midst of playing John Connor trying to save the world, okay?  Who wouldn’t be uptight if someone got into their @#!$ eye line?   Nevertheless, Bale (who made up with the crew guy) gets points for appealing self-effacement, saying, ‘Feel free to make fun of me at my expense. I deserve it completely.’

7.  Blame youthful inexperience.  When teen star Miley Cyrus showed up looking like a modern day Lolita in Vanity Fair in 2008, her Disney Channel reps were quick to issue a statement saying ‘that a situation was created to deliberately manipulate a 15-year-old in order to sell magazines.’   ‘Course, Annie Liebovitz had nothing to do with those provocative pics Miley took of herself that got onto the internet around the same time.  Miley herself asked fans’ forgiveness, saying in a statement that she hoped they ‘understand that along the way I am going to make mistakes and I am not perfect.’

8.  Go into rehab or therapy.  It not only says, ‘I’m sorry,’ but also that it was, kind of not your fault, because of your addiction to alcohol, drugs, gambling or what have you.  Gibson and Richards did it.  Kanye’s been talking about it.  And after it became public that David Duchovny was having his own real-life sex addiction problem that threatened his marriage, the ‘Californication’ star went into rehab for that.

10.  Call on God.  When serious trouble calls for serious remedies, you have to go all-out.   With fans reeling from reports that Chris Brown had been charged with two felonies — assault with force likely to produce great bodily injury and making criminal threats — against then-girlfriend Rihanna last year, every base of showing remorse had to be covered, including religion.  In his public apology in August, the hip-hop star stated, ‘I have done a lot of soul searching over the past several months. I’ve talked with my minister and my mother and I’ve spent a lot of time trying to understand what happened and why… As many of you know, I grew up in a home where there was domestic violence. And I saw first-hand what uncontrolled rage can do. I’ve sought and continue to seek help to ensure that what occurred in February can never happen again…I can only ask and pray that you forgive me please.’