Tag Archives: Angelina Jolie

CAUGHT CHEATING: Bullock-James-‘Bombshell’ Joins Roster of Hollywood’s Most Notorious Cheating Scandals

Michelle "Bombshell" McGee Photo by Alvarado

The tackier Michelle “Bombshell” McGee turns out to be, the more it’s clear her affair with Jesse James has scored a permanent place among Hollywood’s biggest cheating scandals. Coming to light mere days after beloved American Sweetheart Sandra Bullock won her Oscar for “The Blind Side,” Bullock’s husband’s extra-marital dalliance with McGee looks worse and worse the more her heavily-tattooed bod appears all over the internet, TV and tabloids, along with her claims of 11 months of sex with James while Bullock was none the wiser. We’ve learned that she’s a fetish model who’s done girl-with-girl and Nazi photo spreads and taught her child the Nazi salute.

Jesse, you cheated on Sandra Bullock with THIS?

This mess is shocking, embarrassing, tawdry and sad – adjectives that apply again and again as we look back on the Top 10 Most Notorious Hollywood Cheating Scandals of the past 20 years:

NANNY TELLS ALL
“’He felt so lovely. We kissed and kissed for what seemed like ages. I was thinking, I cannot believe this. Jude Law is snogging me!’” That’s a breathless Daisy Wright, remembering in her diary what was going through her mind the memorable night her status changed from nanny of Jude Law’s children to playmate of the actor himself. After a night of passion, they awoke to find one of Jude’s children by the bed, crying “Daddy, daddy. I had a bad dream.” Law’s nightmare was just beginning. When his ex-wife, Sadie Frost, heard from said child about his nanny shenanigans, she fired Daisy. Daisy then took her story to Fleet Street. Steamy details of her sexcapades with Law emerged, including her description of a tryst atop a pool table. London, not to mention the rest of the world, snickered. Mind you, Law was engaged to Sienna Miller at the time. They split. But what goes around comes around — and around — in the case of Jude Law and Sienna Miller, apparently. In 2008, it was Miller’s affair with married father of four Balthazar Getty that got the headlines, along with paparazzi pics of the actress topless with Getty. Now, nearly five years after the whoops-a-Daisy imbroglio, Law and Miller are a couple again.

RUNAWAY BRIDE
In 1991, “Flatliners” leading man and leading lady. Kiefer Sutherland and Julia Roberts, planned a suitably Hollywood wedding for June. It would be a studio soundstage shebang and a swarm of stars and other power players would be on hand. Except…suddenly news broke that the wedding had been called off and, snap, Julia turned up at a hotel in Ireland with none other than Jason Patric – Kiefer’s friend! It was subsequently revealed that Julia had discovered Kiefer had been having a side relationship — with a stripper named Amanda Rice! The situation was lose-lose all around, except for the gossip media, which had a field day all summer long. Roberts landed in the hospital with the flu – for five days. She finished “Hook” on strained terms with Steven Spielberg, and the crew nicknamed her “Tinkerhell.” In recent years, Sutherland has said he holds no grudge against Roberts – “I commend Julia for seeing how young and silly we were…even as painful and as difficult as it was.” However, he still has no use for Patric. Roberts, of course, starred in another Hollywood cheating scandal a decade later when she hooked up with married cameraman Danny Moder, who split with his wife to be with Roberts. She and Moder wed in 2002 and they have three children.

BRANGELINA
“Brad & Angelina Get NAKED Together!” screamed a tabloid headline in May, 2004, while the couple was making their “Mr. & Mrs. Smith” action comedy – and his Mrs. was Jennifer Aniston. The romantic leads were making out off-camera as well as on, if you were to believe the tabs, which also reported that Aniston was going out of her mind with jealousy. Denials flew, but in Spring 2005, Aniston filed for divorce and “Brangelina” was seen vacationing on a beach in Kenya. “Team Jen” and “Team Angie” t-shirts became hot items on the internet. Jolie was, after all, the woman who had taken Billy Bob Thornton away from Laura Dern, the woman who had talked openly of her bisexuality and sex play with knives, the woman who had given her own brother a sexy-looking kiss when she won a Golden Globe. This femme fatale appeared the antithesis of girl-next-door popular Jen. The Jolie-Pitt affair still rankles in some quarters – even though Angelina and Brad are known for philanthropy and actively concerned in international relief…and even though they’re now the parents of six children. In 2008, Jolie’s comment to the New York Times essentially confirming for the first time the fact that she and Pitt had fallen in love while making “Mr. & Mrs. Smith,” was met with jeers.

WOODY AND SOON-YI
The public disgust quotient was high when news broke that 56-year-old auteur filmmaker Woody Allen was having an affair with 21-year-old Soon-Yi Previn – his de facto step-daughter, since he’d been in a relationship with her adoptive mother, Mia Farrow, for 12 years. Poor Mia had discovered the truth in a shocking way, when she came across nude photos of Soon-Yi that Woody had taken. Court battles over custody of Woody’s and Mia’s adopted son and daughter and their biological son followed – with Mia accusing Woody of inappropriate behavior with the seven-year-old daughter. “I hope you get so humiliated you commit suicide,” wrote their adopted son, Moses, in a letter to Woody that was read in court. Although his popularity plummeted, Woody has since said that Mia’s discovery of the pictures set in motion a positive turn in his life. “The heart wants what it wants,” he explained of his relationship with Soon-Yi. He married her in 1998 and they have two adopted daughters.

THE MUG SHOTS SEEN ‘ROUND THE WORLD
Hugh Grant was thrust into international stardom in 1994 with the release of “Four Weddings and a Funeral.” He and his long-time lady, the gorgeous Elizabeth Hurley, became known as a chic and witty celebrity couple. Then, in 1995, he achieved a different kind of public attention, picked up in an L.A. Vice Squad sting operation along with a Hollywood hooker who called herself Divine Brown. Their mug shots showed up everywhere, and the jokes flew. Days later, Grant turned the tide of public sentiment in his favor in a matter of minutes, when he surprisingly decided to keep a “Tonight Show” date to promote his next movie – and sat there looking like an abashed schoolboy when Jay Leno hit him with “What the hell were you thinking?!” Grant told Leno, “I think you know in life what’s a good thing to do and what’s a bad thing, and I did a bad thing. And there you have it.” He exuded a combination of possible contrition and naughty charm and provided a template for effective celebrity apologies thenceforth. He paid a $1,180 fine and did an AIDS education program, but the embarrassing scandal left him relatively unscathed. He made up with Hurley and their relationship lasted ‘til 2000.

AMERICA’S SWEETHEART STUMBLES
Meg Ryan’s fall from adored cinema sweetheart was swift and complete when her affair with Aussie bad boy Russell Crowe became public knowledge. The two hooked up while they were making 2000’s “Proof of Life” — despite the fact she had her nice little family waiting for her at home: husband Dennis Quaid and their eight-year-old son Jack. Openly traveling with Crowe, the girl from “Sleepless in Seattle” and “When Harry Met Sally” inspired disappointment and downright anger in former fans. The Crowe-Ryan affair lasted only months. She and Quaid divorced in 2001 after a nine-year marriage. In 2008, Ryan finally told InStyle that she wasn’t the first to cheat in that marriage, that “Dennis was not faithful to me for a long time, and that was very painful.” But by then her years as a Hollywood box office attraction had become fading memories.

HALLE BERRY’S HUBBY, THE SEX ADDICT
Sandra Bullock may feel a sad sort of sisterhood with Halle Berry. While Halle was in the Oscar season spotlight prior to her “Monster’s Ball” win in 2002, her then-husband Eric Benet was cheating on her. For awhile there, it had seemed Halle had gotten it right with her hunky R&B star mate. She’d grown close to his daughter and their relationship had flourished. But there had been troubles for a long time, it turned out. The revelation of Benet’s affair with singer Julia Riley led to his checking himself into Arizona’s The Meadows for sex addiction rehab. A barrage of headlines followed: Is sex addiction real? Is it a ploy of Eric’s to get back into Halle’s good graces? How prevalent is sex addiction? In 2003, the couple split for good. In 2008, when David Duchovny checked himself into rehab for a sex addiction (but not because of any affairs! His publicist insisted!) Benet told New York magazine he wished Duchovny good luck with that, but he, Eric, wasn’t really a sex addict. So then, how did he account for his behavior? “Stupid-ass mistakes,” said Benet. Yeah, they don’t have rehab for that yet.

PLUS ONE HUSBAND, MINUS ANOTHER
To say Anne Heche has a checkered romantic past is like saying Kirstie Alley’s weight has fluctuated – quite an understatement. So when Heche followers learned that she’d taken up with her “Men in Trees” leading man, the handsome James Tupper – despite both being married to others at the time – it didn’t come as a total shock A public and very bitter divorce from her cameraman-turned-realtor ex-husband Coley Laffoon ensued, including Heche calling Laffoon a lazy a—on David Letterman’s show. (Laffoon is the father of Heche’s son Homer, 8, and Tupper is daddy to her son Atlas, 1.) You may recall that Anne met Laffoon when he was doing camera on a comedy show project for her then-lover Ellen DeGeneres. Before she and Ellen got together, she was known for having broken Steve Martin’s heart Tupper would like to get married, but Heche says she likes the idea of having permanent fiancée status.

MATERIAL GIRL SPORTS YANKEE SLUGGER
The nasty Madonna/Guy Ritchie divorce included all the gossip about her relationship with New York Yankees star Alex Rodriguez — whose wife reportedly left him because of the Material Man-taker as well. Or, as Time magazine put it in July, 2008: “The relationship that appears to have helped unravel the six-year Rodriguez marriage involves no mere Vegas stripper or D-list country star. This couple is fighting about the only woman on earth who can top A-Rod in both net worth and push-ups — Madonna.” There were photos of Madge and A-Rod together, reports of their traveling to Mexico. But for all the attention and damage their relationship created, it was called an affair of the heart and spirit rather than infidelity. Curious.

YOUR CHEATIN’ HEART
The “CSI: Miami” hunk tells us that things are “finally starting to calm down and be the way the way they’re supposed to be” – more than a year after reports emerged of his and LeAnn Rimes’ relationship becoming more than professional on the set of their “Northern Lights” Lifetime movie. He was married to model Brandi Glanville, mother of their two young sons, and LeAnn was married to her one-time backup dancer Dean Sheramet. There were the predictable denials of an affair, then there were Cibrian’s and Rimes’ marital splits, then their respective divorces. Saying she felt she no longer knew Cibrian, Glanville said she told LeAnn, “You can have him.” “I think things happen for a reason,” Cibrian, now openly with Rimes, told us. “I’m just focusing on work and focusing on my family.” — Stacy Jenel Smith

Beck/Smith Hollywood’s Fearless Predictions for Tinsel Town in 2010

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart

The New Year — make that the New Decade — is upon us. While we can’t tell you how long the economic recovery will continue or give you a timetable for climate change, we do have our trusty celebrity crystal ball here and we’re ready to make our fearless predictions about Hollywood and its stars in 2010.

By the end of next year, people will finally catch on that “The Hills” is the worst show on television and it will be canceled … if we’re lucky.

Brad and Angelina will adopt a child from an obscure country while Madonna stands by jealously watching the media attention.

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson will finally announce they’re a couple.

Tyler Perry will make a movie in which he’s wearing a dress.

Lady Gaga will make a movie in which she’s wearing half a dress.

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz will bring into the world a little sister or brother to go with son Bronx Mowgli Wentz. The new baby’s name will be Brooklyn Bagheera Wentz or Manhattan Shere Khan Wentz.

2010 will be a comeback year for Dave Chappelle.

It won’t be a comeback year for Bobby Brown.

Meryl Streep will make it 16 Academy Award nominations with her “Julie & Julia” performance. Duh! She already has the record for Oscar noms with 15, three more than Katharine Hepburn and Jack Nicholson.

Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson will make headlines once again for dating Mr. Wrong while John Mayer will wallow in his self-appreciation.

Tina Fey will rule the universe.

The Kardashian sisters will have started collecting alimony from some of the world’s biggest athletes.

Jane Lynch will get an armload of awards for her instant classic character, the Machiavellian, sadistic yet delightful Coach Sue on “Glee.”

Like a ticking time bomb, Lindsay Lohan will self-destruct. Oh, wait, too late.

Jillian Harris and Ed Swiderski will join the rest of “The Bachelorette” broken hearts club.

Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper will become the first TV personalities to negotiate contract extensions with bonuses on a “per pound” basis, as NBC keeps bringing in heavier and heavier contestants (coming up: a 526-pounder) to get more episodes out of each “Biggest Loser” season.

Michael Jackson’s family will find new ways to cash in on his legacy.

Amid reports of infidelity, Jessica Alba will finally realize that she cannot bank on her husband, Cash.

George Clooney will finally settle down.

Yeah right. Like that would ever happen.

New ABC News anchor Diane Sawyer will be judged on her appearance.

The countdown to Oprah’s last show will become unbearably drawn out and exhausting, and it isn’t even 2011 yet.

The countdown to Arnold Schwarzenegger’s departure from the California governor’s mansion a year from now will become unbearable — because it’s still so far away. With an eye on his future, the bodybuilding champ turned movie star turned politician will sign up to become a contestant on “Dancing With the Stars,” proving once again that ballroom dancing doesn’t make you a girlie man.

The Jonas Brothers’ fans will start to come to grips with the fact they’re growing up and moving on — Kevin got married, Nick has a solo album and his own group, and Joe is moving more into acting and being the center of dating rumors. So girls, better drink in all of the second season of the “Jonas” series this coming summer while you can.

More people will come to grips with the hard truth that when you call a television network to complain about something, you make it stronger, e.g. MTV’s “Jersey Shore.” The latter premiered to about 1.4 million viewers, but thanks to controversy over its portrayal of Italians, the viewership jumped to about 2.1 million viewers in its second week. And then there’s Adam Lambert’s American Music Awards performance.

Lambert will become the first male celebrity to land a cosmetics spokesmodel gig, hawking eyeliner.

Since he’s proven that he helps anything he emcees — the TVLand Awards, the Tonys, the Emmys — Neil Patrick Harris will be asked to host the 2010 Tiger Woods Chevron World Challenge golf tournament.

The “Ghost Hunters” on SyFy will at long last capture unequivocal proof of post-mortem activity when they stumble onto the vaporous visage of Jon Gosselin’s TV career.

— Stacy Jenel Smith and Emily-Fortune Feimster

Beck/Smith Hollywood Tacky Taste Awards 2008

Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin

With Thanksgiving almost upon us again, it’s time to dish those celebrity turkeys whose behavior you found hard to swallow this year — the 2008 Tacky Taste Awards, voted on by readers. Here are the Top 10 results:

1. Sarah Palin. The former VP candidate may not have won on Nov. 4, but she won here, proving a lightning rod for tacky votes — with correspondence both condemning and defending her. “I have a big problem with Sarah Palin’s $150,000 wardrobe. So much for being for the working class,” wrote AlleeC via email. Grace H. of Burbank, Calif., wrote, “I second the nomination for Sarah Palin’s wardrobe and everything else Sarah Palin — such as her look-at-me-I’m-pregnant-and-single teenage daughter.”

But on the other hand, after we indicated in our column that the Alaska governor was drawing Tacky votes, a storm of letters came in on her behalf. Such as: “I think you two should be listed as tacky. How many times do you have to be told that Gov. Sarah Palin did not pick out the clothing, it was the RNC. She couldn’t move without the news media and photographers being on her trail, and yet how many photos did we see showing her in the exclusive stores?” wrote Martha J. of Chattanooga, Tenn. “What about the cost of Joe Biden’s botox and hair transplants?” mused Blake123 from the Internet. And then there were those, like KrisL of San Bernardino, Calif., who were disgusted by the triviality of it all: “Forget the economy, Iraq, global warming and health care. Let’s talk about her clothes! Now, that’s tacky.”

2. Madonna and Guy Ritchie. The ugly Madonna/Guy Ritchie divorce and how public they have been about dissing each other got readers’ attention. “He said she was like cuddling up to a piece of gristle, and at a concert she said her song ‘Miles Away’ was dedicated to the emotionally retarded, which people believed she was talking about him. Maybe they’re each right, but why to they have to go out and tell the world? After all, they picked each other,” wrote F.F. of Raleigh, N.C. PandagirlDeb emailed, “Divorce really sucks for the kids, and all the sniping in public doesn’t help.” “Her affair with Alex Rodriguez adds another tacky chapter to her slutty, tacky life story,” said Tony from Phoenix, Ariz.

3. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Angelina Jolie’s comment to the New York Times alluding to the fact that she and Brad Pitt fell in love while making “Mr. & Mrs. Smith” rankled more than a few. “So now the truth pops out. Whatever happened to her holier-than-thou statements that her mom was cheated on, so she’d never break up a marriage?” asked reader Jon S.

 

from Bloomfield, N.J. Sean-D emailed, “Why do people always rush to attack Jolie as if she was the sole culprit in this story, with Pitt getting a free pass? It ain’t right.” And then there are those who are just tired of the couple in general. As G.H. of Burbank put it, “I’m sick of Brangelina having kids every time they turn around and reading about them every time they go to the toilet.” 

4. Miley Cyrus and Billy Ray Cyrus. You didn’t forget her bare-in-bed Lolita-esque Vanity Fair pose. “Her daddy is to blame,” declared Ellen of Orlando, Fla. D.G. of Denver felt, “The whole thing with the two of them posing more like a couple than father and daughter was ewwwwwww, sleazy & tacky!! It’s sickening, the way he’s riding her coattails to refresh his career, at any cost.” “I used to really like her, but now I can’t stand her and her huge ego. Go Selena and Demi!” added SamanthaHC on the Internet.

5. Balthazar Getty and Sienna Miller. “What were they thinking, making out with her nearly nude on a beach with paparazzi around? Not only was he married, he’s got four kids. It doesn’t get any tackier,” claimed Ann S., over the Internet. “She acts like a slut and then sues paparazzi over the fact she is a tramp. Sad.” — Dale C., Las Vegas. “Wowza. She doesn’t seem to like wearing tops. She must get a lot of chest colds.” — A.I., Newark

6. Mariah Carey. “Reading about her demanding a private jet, a $15,000 a night penthouse suite and a Michelin-starred chef to appear on the World Music Awards made my blood boil. This kind of outrageous diva behavior was bad enough before, but now that so many people are suffering economically, losing their jobs, unable to pay for their kids’ needs, it’s completely disgusting.” — Nora B., St. Louis, Mo.

7. Lynn Spears. “To exploit your daughter’s personal life to sell your book is beyond tacky. And it’s supposed to be ‘inspirational’ on top of that.” — Bernice, Yonkers, N.Y.

8. Russell Brand, for making fun of the Jonas Brothers’ chastity promise rings on the Video Music Awards. “Even Paris Hilton thought he went too far.” — C.S., Denver

9. Lindsay Lohan. “She is so trashy and tacky, and this incident with her fighting and screaming obscenities at her girlfriend, Samantha Ronson, in a London nightclub is par for the course. Anger management rehab?” — Jay M., Northridge, Calif.

10. John Mayer. “Even though John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston got back together, I thought it was tacky how he kept talking to the press about their breakup. I can’t believe she took him back after that!” — E.F., via email.

And, that’s it for this year. Wishing you all a warm and peaceful holiday, and may all your turkeys be tasty ones!

With reports by Emily Feimster.

To find out more about Marilyn Beck and Stacy Jenel Smith and read their past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 MARILYN BECK AND STACY JENEL SMITH

DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.

Beck/Smith Hollywood’s Tacky Taste Awards 2007 — 30TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION

Britney Spears

Britney Spears

After three decades of tallying up votes that have run the gamut of celebrity strangeness and bad taste, we have to say, 2007 goes down among the tackiest — at least. The competition was tremendous, we’re sorry to say. Here are the Top 10 stars deemed tackiest of 2007 by readers:

1. BRITNEY SPEARS — “She parties the night away, she loses custody of her kids, has drug test problems, crushes a guy’s feet with her car, runs red lights with kids in backseat, and looks like a sausage packed into a bikini on the VMAs, where she forgets to sing. She’s way beyond tacky,” wrote Chris C. of Van Nuys, CA. Maura H. of Cleveland was among the many who said they were sorry for Spears’ two young sons with ex-husband Kevin Federline: “If she can’t even take care of herself, how can she take care of them?” Said Jordan F. of Arlington, VA, “Tackiest? I recommend the judge who decided to take Britney’s kids from her and give them to Kevin, who’s just as messed-up.” Dylan D. of New York suggested “maybe Brad and Angelina will adopt her kids.” “It was supposed to be her big comeback, but Britney let down tons of fans with her lethargic performance at the VMA’s,” noted F.F. from South Carolina, “and let’s not forget that earlier this year, she also went into a salon and shaved her own hair off. Now, that’s tacky!”

2. SARAH SILVERMAN — “Give your Tacky award to Sarah Silverman, who has worked so hard for it!” urged Jake G., Pasadena, CA. Wrote Shari M. of Bloomfield, N.J.: “She’s dirty, nasty… a perfect example of how sleazy things have gotten on TV nowadays, like her jokes about Paris Hilton on the MTV Awards — they’re going to paint the bars of her jail cell to look like penises so she’ll be more comfortable? If that’s not tacky, what is?” “Taking swipes at Britney, no problem, but when she called Brit’s children “the most adorable little mistakes ever” on an awards show, she was way out of line! Just nasty and tacky! — Foxy C., Los Angeles, CA

3. VANESSA HUDGENS — “She’s supposed to be a role model to young kids everywhere. She had no business posing nude in photos for her boyfriend Zac — wait, I mean, ex-boyfriend Drake Bell. Wait, was it both? So hard to keep track of naked pictures, you know,” said CompuServe reader Uneak1.

4. ROSIE O’DONNELL — “I still can’t believe the on-air fight with Elizabeth Hasselbeck…I used to be a fan of Rosie, but her inflammatory rhetoric, her feuds, her conspiracy theory nonsense — she’s gone from being terrific to terribly tacky,” wrote DPix of Bakersfield, CA. Paul V. opined via the internet, “She’s a bully, she’s rude, she’s vulgar, she believes her s— don’t stink. She is tacky to the tenth power.”

5. PARIS HILTON — PceCollgrrrl wrote on the internet: “The tackiest part of the time she spent in jail was the enormous media frenzy that ensued. We didn’t need to see a one-hour special of Paris, post-jail reading her journal entries during her experience. She broke the law. She deserved to be punished, not applauded for being “brave.”

6. ALEC BALDWIN — “His out-of-control rant against his young daughter was beyond tacky. It was abusive,” complained Leslie S. of Sherman Oaks, CA Internet writer TmW2 is among those who feel that Baldwin ought to “split the tackiness award for bad celebrity father of the year with DAVID HASSELHOFF, who destroyed his image for me forever in that video where he’s drunk and hurling expletives at his teen daughter.”

7. ELLEN DEGENERES — “We love Ellen, but it was a bit much seeing her sobbing on TV over the fact that she broke some doggy adoption rules, which resulted in the adopted dog being taken back by the agency,” barked Val V. of Chattanooga, TN. “The war in Iraq, global warming, worldwide abuse against women, children killing children in schools — and Ellen breaks down over a dog she didn’t even keep for herself? Tacky set of priorities if you ask me.” — M.S. Burbank, CA.

8. DENISE RICHARDS VS. CHARLIE SHEEN — “I don’t know whether her accusations about all his sexual perversions are true or not, but I do know that both these two are putting their vicious divorce battle ahead of the welfare of their children by making such public declarations against each other. Shame on them!” wrote Kelly O. online. “Charlie Sheen announcing to the world that his ex still wants to have children with him — whether true or not — while he’s engaged to another woman proved that Sheen is tactless, shameless and clueless.” — Naomi S., Sacramento, CA

9. LINDSAY LOHAN — “Every time I think Lindsay’s going to get it together, some new story comes out — like her chasing after her assistant’s mother in her car. Pretty tacky,” wrote Shannon B. of Phoenix. Added R.H. of Houston, “After getting in trouble with the law for a DUI, she went to rehab to get help, fine. Then she ended up starting a relationship with a fellow rehabber, who was in a serious relationship at the time. Not just tacky — skanky.”

10. PAULA ABDUL — “Everything about her reality show, ‘Hey Paula,’ was tacky,” said Manuela G. of the Bronx, NY, “from her erratic behavior to her public meltdowns.”

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS: O.J. Simpson for his memorabilia robbing incident, Michael Vick for his apparent participation in dog-fighting, “The Hills” Lauren Conrad due to her sex tape scandal, Dog the Bounty Hunter for using the N-word, Nick Hogan (son of Hunk Hogan) for his street racing that finally resulted in a serious car wreck that left his best friend in a coma, Keifer Sutherland for his DUI arrest, Tim McGraw’s crotch-grabbing fans, and “you, Beck/Smith, for giving all this attention to tacky celebrities.”

Happy Holidays to you all, and may your turkeys be tasty ones!